Part III: Player's Guide -- Races & Professions
Races
Nouscraft offers 300+ playable races, selected at savepoints when you first enter the game. Each race provides unique passive abilities and stat modifiers. Your race determines what you look like, how you interact with the world, and how many awkward questions strangers ask you.
| Race | Key Features |
|---|---|
| Human | The default. No bonuses. No penalties. Aggressively average. |
| Drow | Grey-skinned dark elf. Popular among edgelords and paladins with guilt complexes. |
| Half-Orc | Green-skinned, tusked, built for hitting things. Pairs well with alcohol-based professions. |
| Wood Elf | Darkvision. Graceful. Surprisingly good at ice magic. |
| Cat Girl | Feline features, fur, paw-hands, cat ears. No stat bonuses, but comes with Nine Lives (auto-revive 9 times, 9-hour cooldown). Chosen primarily for anime aesthetic. |
| Doppelganger | Can shapeshift into other races. Retro uses this to become everything from a halfling to an 8cm noodle pixie. |
| Noodle Pixie | 8cm tall pasta creature. Limbs like angel hair. Wings like paper-thin lasagna sheets. Can sport rosemary mohawks. Not recommended for melee builds. |
| Glasshole | Made of living glass. +8 Mind, +6 Perception, -10 Resilience. Reflective Surface (50% spell reflect). Brittle Constitution (2x blunt damage). Handle with care. |
| Balbazrim | Infernal heritage -- horns, unusual eyes, sometimes tails. Grey skin. Face prejudice even in a game where everyone chose their appearance voluntarily. |
| Petallica | Pet race that must live in an unassuming form (like a chihuahua). Can evolve into other forms with training. Bytes is a Petallica who keeps gaining heads. |
| Balloon Animal | Exactly what it sounds like. Can float. Combined with Jester profession, grants immunity to offensive magic. |
| Aquarian | Water-based humanoid. One of the many races you'll see and think, "Someone chose that on purpose?" |
| Monster Truck | Tires for shoulders, headlights for eyes, car tow grappling hook. |
| Memory Foam Pillow | A literal pillow with arms and legs. Fluffy cheeks. "Almohada" means pillow in Spanish, and the player who chose this race knew exactly what they were doing. |
Professions
Selected at savepoints alongside your race. 300+ options. Your profession determines your abilities, playstyle, and how ridiculous you look in combat.
| Profession | Description |
|---|---|
| Oath Obliged Paladin | Holy warrior who gains smite abilities from swearing sacred vows. The more dramatic the oath, the stronger the power. Butterknife's profession. |
| Drunken Berserker | Tank class where being drunk is a combat mechanic. Liquid Courage increases offense and defense by 20% per drink. Healing Tankard means alcoholic beverages are health potions. Iron Liver grants poison immunity. Drunkenness progression: Tipsy, Buzzed, Blitzed, Last Call Legend (30-second death timer with massive bonuses, then you die). Spencer's profession. |
| Cryokinetic Sorceress | Ice magic specialist. Spells include Titular Torpedo (devastating energy blast), Ice Shield, Frostlight, Give Them Hail (AoE hailstorm), and Absolute Strong Zero (freezing finisher). Mindt's profession. |
| DadBard | Warrior channeling dad joke energy. Grill Master passive (+1d8 fire damage). Humor Hold spell (enemies fall prone laughing). I'm Not Mad I'm Just Disappointed (-20% enemy defense). Duct Tape (heals 50%). Retro's profession. His belly now protrudes like a Buddha. |
| Blue Mage | Learns monster abilities via Copycat -- must be hit by an offensive skill to learn it. Starts with no spells of its own. The ultimate risk-reward class. Katt's profession. |
| Life Cleric | Healing-focused profession. Sooner's choice. Straightforward but vital. |
| Corpse Choreographer | Necromancy-adjacent crowd control. Can cast Fear. Leonia's profession. As unsettling as it sounds. |
| Vengeance Warrior | Combat profession focused on revenge. Chosen by players hunting specific targets. |
| Beach Road Freelancer | Thief class specializing in charm magic and pickpocketing. Makes lonely men feel desired while robbing them blind. As a profession, it says a lot about Jiem's sense of humor. |
| Literal Archer | Archer with homing arrows. The name is not ironic. |
| Metal Monk | Monk with metal-based abilities, including Steel Form (flesh transforms into polished steel plates). Basic's profession. |
Key Game Mechanics
Leveling and Stats
Players gain XP from killing monsters and completing quests. Stats include Brawn, Resilience, Agility, Will, Mind, and Grace (starting range 8-12). Reaching Level 20 is recommended before World 1 ends. Coach will let you know -- loudly -- when you level up.
The Party System
To form a party, you must speak someone's real name aloud followed by "join." This requires them to share their most private piece of identity in a world where usernames are everything. The darker side: saying someone's real name followed by "die" triggers a lethal seizure via their Nous implant. This was patched to require line of sight after a 16-year-old in Laos killed the Nous CEO remotely.
Savepoints
Locations that allow temporary exit from VR to tend to your real body -- eat, sleep, use the bathroom. They relocate randomly every 8 hours. Also where you select your race and profession. Finding one when your real body is dying of dehydration becomes a regular concern.
Resurrection
Each player starts with one Resurrection Scroll. Party members can resurrect dead allies. Death leaves a ghost hovering over your corpse with X's for eyes. Resurrection feels like turning off a light switch and appearing in a different room.
Permadeath
Permanent death with no resurrection. Methods include beheading, vaporization, and complete body destruction. Results in three days as a ghost until your real body dies of dehydration. Introduced as a mechanic in Patch 1.2 for explosions.
Acclaim and Titles
Achievement points earned for completing noteworthy feats. Redeemed at the Hall of Fame in Equinox for prizes. Titles are earned for specific accomplishments -- some prestigious, some embarrassing, some permanent and impossible to remove (like "Augger Killer").
The Policy Change Request Form
The ultimate prize. Awarded for completing the World Quest. Allows one player to request that Jiem change the game's rules. Could potentially shut everything down. Must be worded very carefully -- Jiem sets boundaries and will deny anything that amounts to "wishing for more wishes."
Streaming Analytics
Everyone outside Nouscraft -- billions of people -- can watch players live. After 24 hours, Jiem enables streaming stats so players can see their viewer counts, favorites, and who's watching them most frequently. Your survival is someone else's entertainment.